Thoughts on education on the back of my mind

I've think I've been semi-consciously thinking about partly my own education, partly by the larger education system of which I as a student am a part for a while now. But I'm not yet sure what to make of it.

Back when I decided to pursue a degree in engineering in information and communication technology (of which I've by now completed about half), I promised myself to only do what I found interesting and fun – that which made me come alive, that which felt expansive. I actually remember the day it hit me. I was out walking in the woods, kind of troubled about decisions to be made, when it struck me quite hard: "follow your interests, it's as simple as that". It was a pretty clear insight, amplified by the surroundings, and it seemed valid by then. And I think it still is. It has to be.

Fast forward, three years, present moment. This isn't fun any more. It feels dead. Only problem is: I'm not sure why. It might be the subjects of study. It might be how they are taught. It might be my perspective. Truth probably lies in between, as it usually does.

I feel caught in a system that I know is wrong, partly consciously, partly by instinct. There's too much fragmentation. Too much pigeon-holing. Too much content-focusing. Too little questioning. Too little connection to the world. Too little freedom. Missing the big picture. I have a constant feeling of wasting my time.

And I'm not alone on this.

So I'm torn between staying on course, or taking off on some tangent, with all the practical problems that come along. How will I support myself? Is a couple of years of having not-so-fun worth it for the practical value? Is it worth borrowing money for? Can I change from the inside, by cultivating a firm perspective from what I believe, or is it impossible to stand still in the flowing river?

The thing I didn't realize completely back then, was that really following intuition, takes a shitload of guts.

And to make matters more complicated, these are times of change. Rapid change. Making sound decisions and plans for as little as 5-10 years ahead is increasingly difficult, if not soon impossible. Don't even get me started about planning for retirement. That doesn't exists.

Maybe a time-out is what I need. The other thing is figuring out what it actually is that makes me come alive.

I might end up writing a piece on education for 9-0-0-2.org to straighten my thoughts.